Crises-- Events that push us to change and teach us what really matters

When we hear the word "Crisis" we automatically think of bad things. I think danger, imminent death, not getting a paper turned in by 11:59 pm, and slipping on ice on a Rexburg crosswalk and being flattened by a car driven by a teenager who has never driven in the snow before. But, crises can be good things as well. Crises are situations that force change upon the status quo and cause stress. Crisis situations could also be the birth of a baby, a wedding, or an AMAZING daughter going on or coming home from a mission (yes, I am an RM ;) ). These situations are joyous events but cause families to change their dynamic or living situation. So a crisis can be good or bad. It all depends on how you look at it.

I have been through what I would classify as a few crises in my short 23 and a half years of life, but nothing like what this family has been through can compare to my mini crises. If you want to learn how to deal with a crisis, I am not your best source. We should all look to the Lord for that help and that's what Stephanie Nielson and her family did. She is an inspiration; learn from her. Life is beautiful and crises help us to figure out who we are, where we are going, and what really matters.http://www.deseretnews.com/article/865552762/Stephanie-Nielsons-memor-Heaven-Is-Here-describes-faith-trials.html?pg=all

Mention of the Setimo

As much as I have tried to forget, I know my mom will be reading each and every one of these blog posts and that didn't pose a problem until chapter 7 of the text. I mean who really wants to talk about Sexual Intimacy on the internet, when they know their parents are reading. Okay maybe some 23 year-olds are okay with it, but I am definitely not one to volunteer to discuss sexual intimacy with my parents or anyone for that matter. I probably taught chastity at least 20 times on my mission and that was usually fairly simple, but as a missionary you never discuss in detail the necessity of intimacy within marriage. But since I still feel like I am not qualified to talk about this subject, let's talk about what shouldn't happen. No, I am not going to teach you about the commandment and there won't be mention of the setimo (Portuguese for the 7th). We need to discuss where our youth are getting their information because as we know if it doesn't come from you, they'll get it somewhere.

Let's let Preach My Gospel teach us a little," you are surrounded by people. You pass them on the street, visit them in their homes,

and travel among them. All of them are children of God, your brothers and sisters.

God loves them just as He loves you. Many of these people are searching for purpose in

life. They are concerned for their families. They need the sense of belonging that comes from

the knowledge that they are children of God, members of His eternal family. They want to

feel secure in a world of changing values. They want “peace in this world, and eternal life

in the world to come” (D&C 59:23), but they are “kept from the truth because they know

not where to find it” (D&C 123:12)." Just as missionaries pass hundreds of people daily on the streets, so do your children -- at school, at extra curricular activities, and even at church. Children are constantly hearing and searching out information and like gospel seekers they may not know where to find truth "in a world of changing values". Teach your children about proper and improper intimacy. Teach them to live pure lives, but not to be afraid to be  sexually intimate when the time is proper  after marriage. And most importantly, build a strong relationship with them so they, unlike many people, do know where to seek truth. Sex and intimacy are an important part of life and our purpose here on Earth. Don't mess up your kids view of intimacy by being awkward, avoiding the topic, waiting too long to talk, focusing on sex as a bad thing, or putting fear into their heads about intimacy. Physical, emotional, and spiritual intimacy is a necessary part of life that is unavoidable. I know at the beginning I joked about talking about this in front of my parents, but the fact is that even through the awkward moments that I would love to have skipped over, my parents did talk to me and they did show affection for one another and they did the best they could with such sensitive topic. Be there for your children. Emphasize love and the sacred nature of sex, the importance of preparing for marriage and teach them about the Atonement. Teach them that if they do make mistakes, that they can be overcome through proper repentance and the mercy of our Savior. Sex is important. Talk about it and do it right.
 

"It's not Natural; it's divine."

Something I learned this semester from Brother Williams that I will never forget is when speaking about a certain pattern, relationship, or attitude he would say, "It's not natural....it's divine." Let's talk a little bit about the family and it's divinity......

The Family: A Proclamation To The World says, "The Family is Ordained of God. Marriage between man and woman is essential to His eternal plan...... Happiness in family life is most likely to be achieved when founded upon the teachings of the Lord Jesus Christ. Successful marriages and families are established and maintained on principles of faith, prayer, repentance, forgiveness, respect, love, compassion, work, and wholesome recreational activities." Think about that. "The Family is ordained of God". To Ordain is " to destine" or "to confer holy orders upon" (dictionary.com). So, God has said that the family is holy and has been given a great destiny and purpose. And divine is heavenly or celestial (dictionary.com). So the family being holy with a great destiny is meant to be celestial. But as each and everyone of us families bring both that heavenly divine joy and the wrack and torment us with pain and sorrow. It is our duty to overcome those pains of torment and seek out the divinity of the Family. This may often seem beyond our capacity; But, it isn't beyond the Lord's. Dating is difficult. Engagements are crazy difficult. And the transition into marriage, marriage, and parenthood may feel downright painful and impossible to bear. But a wise marriage and family therapist and BYU-I professor once said, "Marriage helps us become much more than human." From what I've seen, marriage isn't for the weak, but the weak get married. So as we begin our marriages we must begin to overcome our weaknesses, become increasingly more Christ-like, discover and love the divinity of marriage and family, and become more than we are.  We must become what we are destined to be in marriage and family life. It is in these divine stages of life that we gain our celestial glory.

The myth behind Julie and Todd

It's definitely not as easy as Julie and Todd make it seem in Saturday's Warrior. As the song goes, "I've seen that smile somewhere before. I've heard your voice somewhere before. It seems we've talked like this before....'Sometime, who can be certain when...'...'But if I knew you then, it's strange, I can't remember.....' ". Trust me. As a little girl, teenager, and young adult I've seen and heard Saturday's Warrior over 100 times (yes, I know that seems insane) and I always thought that one day I would find my prince charming, someone I'd met in the preexistence who I was destined to find. Fortunately (and sometimes unfortunately) in my teen years, I discovered that Saturday's Warrior is not doctrine. Sorry, ladies. But, you most likely didn't meet the man of your dreams in the preexistence; and if you did, you probably will never find him here on Earth. Okay, okay. I really am not a Debbie downer and I do believe in true love and like most girls I LOVE a good Cinderella story, but dating is not what Julie makes it out to be and true love can be created with almost anyone in the world.

We've all dreamt of  finding the "one", but is that really how it works. Is there really only ONE person out there that I am meant to spend eternity with? If that is true, how does that fit into Heavenly Father's merciful plan? It DOESN'T and it is NOT true. In 1976 President Kimball said this about soul mates and marriage, " 'Soul mates' are fiction and an illusion; and while every young man and young woman will seek with all diligence and prayerfulness to find a mate with whom life can be most compatible and beautiful, yet it is certain that almost any good man and any good woman can have happiness and a successful marriage if both are willing to pay the price.There is a never-failing formula which will guarantee to every couple a happy and eternal marriage; but like all formulas, the principal ingredients must not be left out, reduced, or limited. The selection before courting and then the continued courting after the marriage process are equally important, but not more important than the marriage itself, the success of which depends upon the two individuals—not upon one, but upon two." President Kimball continues to explain that the formula for lasting marriages includes: proper and thoughtful selection and an agreement to work toward a successful marriage, great unselfishness, continued courting and affection throughout the marriage, and complete obedience to the commandments. As we study dating and the laws of attraction we learn that we date those who we are physically attracted to, those who live near us, and those with whom we have commonalities.  As we do that and follow President Kimball's counsel I am certain that we won't find the Todd to our Julie, but we will find someone who can complement us and who we can build eternal lives with. Now, isn't that better than someone who can finish our sandwiches.....I mean sentences.

I am a Child of God and.....So Are You

We are all spirit sons and daughters of God, our Heavenly Father, and he loves us. We are each different and special in His eyes, our purposes are different, and He knows us personally and loves us. The Family: A Proclamation To The World teaches us that, "All Human Beings- male and female- are created in the image of our God. Each is a beloved spirit son or daughter of heavenly parents, and as such each has a divine nature and destiny. Gender is an essential characteristic of individual premortal, mortal, and eternal identity, and purpose." Although there is much argument about this subject in our world today I do believe and know that gender is an eternal and essential characteristic and the no matter our gender each of us is important and has great purpose. I also know that what President Spencer W. Kimball said about gender is true, "We had full equality as his spirit children. We have full equality as recipients of God's perfected love for each of us.... 'Within those great assurances however, our roles and assignments differ. These are eternal differences-- with women being given many tremendous responsibilities of motherhood and sisterhood and men being given the tremendous responsibilities of fatherhood and priesthood'" . We are all inherently different and that's okay. I am a woman, a daughter of God, and he loves me.  My gender is part of who I am and a large part of what makes me who I am and I am happy to embrace it because I know my worth and my purpose and I know above all things that I am a child of God and I know that you are too.

Question Time!

This is going to be a little different than anything I normally post, but I want to hear your thoughts on these questions. This week in Family Relations, we were discussing culture as it relates to family an Brother Williams posed and interesting question: Are all cultures equally valid?

So here are a couple of things we had to define in order to answer this question as a class. What is culture? What is the meaning of valid? And can something be valid in one's eyes, but not the eyes of another? So we looked up the words valid and culture. As defined by dictionary.com, "valid is sound, just, or well founded" and culture is, "the behaviors and beliefs characteristic of a particular social, ethnic, or age group". So, it is perfectly reasonable to assume that the validity of one culture, may vary from culture to culture and even in the eyes of God and man.

Here's my question to all of you, keeping in mind the definitions of valid and culture-- Are all cultures equally valid in accomplishing the purpose of the family unit?

Parts of a Whole Pullin' Together

Parts of a Whole Pullin' Together

When I think of a role, I often think of someone playing a part like an actor or actress portraying a character with specific duties and qualities. In also think of function and order. For example what is the function of an alternator in a car, what part does it play in helping the car run, and how does it influence the other parts of the car? Just as the alternator receives the vital charge from starter which receives a charge from the battery so that our cars can start, we too play vital roles in helping our families to function. What is your role or function? Are you the listener? Or are you the peacemaker? Are you the rebel or the one that your parents don’t have to sweat about? Every person in a family plays a role. We see it in our own families and in fictional families as well. Just think back to that wonderful family drama that we all loved so much….7^th Heaven! Well I loved it, even if no one else did. ;)

7^th Heaven was family drama that aired from 1996-2007 on The WB and later CW about a typical Anglo-Saxon protestant family.  I use typical because while they were supposedly the normal, happy and perfect minister’s family they had 7 children,  definitely faced their own interesting challenges and were far from typical. As early as the very first episode of season one we can that even within this “typical” family each member played a specific and established role. We see in this episode as well as almost every episode to follow Annie Camden (the mom) plays the fixer/ handy man. She takes action to fix problems and anything broken in house, while her husband Reverend Eric Camden is busy talking to teach his community and children life lessons and fix other types of problems. Matt Camden, the oldest brother, seems to have all of the wisdom when it comes to the things around the house, his siblings, and the world and is always there to protect and counsel his younger siblings. Mary, the eldest daughter, is the one with the crazy ideas and schemes. She has good intentions, but her ideas tend to be a little farfetched. Lucy, the middle child for most of her life, is VERY emotional and always wears her heart on her sleeve. Simon, in later episodes known as “The Bank of Simon” for his ability to manage money, is the negotiator and businessman of the family. Ruthy, while very young during the first season, is smart, witty, and cute and eventually as she ages that plays to her advantage as well. As different as each member of the Camden family is there are always there to support and uplift one another, but each in their uniquely talented way. We can see that while these roles seen in the very first episode are apparent as the Camden family grows in numbers and matures, but at times there are also shifts and changes in their roles order to accommodate familial and personal growth and maturation.

So ponder this—what role do you play in your family? Is it the same role you played 5, 10, 15, or more years ago? And does the role you play or still play have a positive effect on your family?

It’s definitely hard at times to know our roles in our families as we change and grow, but as we change and grow for the better always sticking together and looking out for one another it’ll all work out. Just as we need all the parts of our car- the engine, battery, starter, alternator, etc. we need all parts and roles in our families in order to get through the thick and thin. As it goes in Pullin’ Together from Saturday’s Warrior, “All alone we just can’t make it by ourselves we fall behind, but if we lift and pull together we can help each other climb.....We've got a father and mother, sister and brother, pullin' together we can work it out....."