My current New Testament class has inspired me to expand on and continue this blog. Over the last year since I last posted, a lot of learning experiences have occurred in my life including, being a relief society president in a student ward, working in the temple, and meeting and marrying a man who encourages me to be my best self, continue pursuing my dreams, and live a faithful and righteous life. Over the last year, I’ve learned that being a good person and a good wife and having a happy and successful family is dependent on more than theories and research. It is dependent upon good practices based on true principles and each individual in the family seeking to obtain Christ like attributes and become like Him and for my new little family it needs to start with me. 

        I have often struggled in my life with finding balance. I can never be comfortable; I am always hot or cold. I am often either sad or extremely happy and sometimes I eat completely healthy never allowing myself a treat and other times I find myself so busy and stressed that I can only find time for processed foods and things that can be purchased in a drive thru. I especially struggle trying to find a balance between having low self-esteem and being down on myself and being prideful and overconfident.

        I know that the optimum balance between low self-esteem and overconfidence is Christ like humility, but how do I obtain this? In my study this week I have found an amazing example of humility – John the Baptist. We learn in the third Chapter of Matthew, in the New Testament, that Christ goes to John the Baptist and requests to be baptized. John declines saying, “I have need to be baptized of thee and thou comest to me?” (Matthew 3:14) and as we know Christ responds in kind, “…Suffer it to be so now:for thus it becometh us to fulfill all righteousness. Then he suffered him.” (Matthew 3:15). Then we know that John goes ahead with baptizing the Savior of the world.

        It is amazing to me that Jesus Christ our Savior who was baptized to keep all of the father’s commandments, participate in an ordinance necessary for salvation, and to show us a perfect example was baptized by John the Baptist --  a willing, dedicated, and faithful servant. You might be asking, how is this showing great humility? John the Baptist shows humility three times in this passage. The first time- John, already knowing that he was sent to prepare the way for the Savior,  declined to baptize him showing the Savior and all of us that the Savior is greater than us all and should be respected as such. The second time – John questions why he should baptize the Savior and why the Savior needed to be baptized. Wouldn’t we have to be extremely humble to ask the Savior a question to His face and be willing to accept the answer? The third time –John acted. He used the Aaronic priesthood which he held to keep a direct commandment of the Savior to baptize him thus preparing the way for all of us to eventually follow in the Savior’s footsteps and be saved.

        In order to be humble I must put aside my personal fears, worries, and desires and become as Christ and John the Baptist encompasses all that is a humble follower of Christ. I want to be as humble as John the Baptist was in his ministry and in order to do that I must have these three goals: Recognize that there is someone much greater than I am –more specifically the Savior, ask questions and be willing to learn and accept truth, and act on faith in righteousness. And if I do this I will not only be more humble; but, I will be more like the Savior and will be another step closer to bringing my family toward the Him. 

Torment AND Joy. I choose Joy.

I started the blog by saying, "we'll explore how families can be sources of both joy and torment and slowly but surely discover together if the joy they bring outweighs the torment and whether or not we want them by our sides in the 'rain and snow and ice....' because from what I hear it gets mighty cold here in the Burg". I quickly learned that it does get cold here in MIGHTY MIGHTY cold here Rexburg. I mean.....is -16 even a temperature??? But, luckily it is always 75 degrees in my apartment. Anyway.....As I have mentioned several times throughout this blog Family IS hard subject. Raising children is hard. Talking to children about sex is hard. Communicating effectively is hard. Dealing with crises within our families is hard. And dealing with and changing our role within our families is hard. So, what can we do about it? Do we just give up on our families? Do we just believe the statistic that is always thrown at us that 50% of all marriages end in divorce and think that it's okay? Do we look at first marriages as test runs rather than everlasting? And do we think that divorce, simply never getting married, or cutting ourselves off from our families will make things easier? Or do we commit to sticking it out, relying on the Lord, loving with all of our hearts, and working hard in order to have happy, well adjusted, strong, eternal families?

Sometimes as I attend and study for my major courses, like Family Relations, it is really hard. It is often therapy for me to study about relationships and families and family systems and figure out where each member of my family member is coming from and how we can learn from and understand one another. I often wonder.....Does my family understand this principal? Do they even care? Are we really working towards an eternal family? When we or when I hear people bicker, complain, and talk badly about one another it hurts. It hurts A LOT and I often wish that Tinkerbell could sprinkle a little pixie dust or Heavenly Father could snap his fingers and we could become an eternal family, but it doesn't work like that. I was tempted just now to write, "unfortunately, it doesn't work like that". But, I have come to learn that it really isn't unfortunate. It is HARD being part of a family, but being part of a family is part of our mission here on earth. Serving as a missionary was by far the best experience of my life, but there were several times that I thought "I am going to die" or "How am I going to make it through this", so if missionary service prepares us for marriage and parenthood, why would those missions be any easier? They won't be. Sometimes I feel like it would be so much easier to be here on my own doing my own thing and then I get a text from my dad that says "Love ya. Love Dad." or I find 50 bright green inspirational sticky notes in my suitcases from my mom or I come home from my mission to nieces who want to be missionaries or I walk 13 miles with my cousin (who is my best friend, confidant, and sister) or I build a fort or play Go Fish with my nieces and nephews. My family, like EVERY family is difficult to deal with and they don't all get along and I HATE it, but it doesn't decrease the love I have for them and it doesn't make me defend each and every one of them any less to each other. So my family has definitely gone through thick and thin, especially the last couple of years. But there is one fact that won't change -- we are a family. Someday when we reach those pearly gates we will be asked, "Where are the rest of them? Where is your family?" What are you going to say? Are you going to say that you got in too many arguments, so you just got a divorce? Are you going to say that you couldn't see eye to eye with your siblings, so you just stopped trying? Are you going to say that you got distracted by the world and forgot that family is CENTRAL to God's plan? And what response will you get in return.

I MAKE a lot of mistakes. I sin every day. I am still trying to get this "being an adult" thing figured out and I certainly know very little about most things. But, I know that Heavenly Father is our father and he loves us. I know that as difficult as families may be and as much as they may torment us, families are central to His plan of happiness and our eternal happiness. And I know that JOY IS FOUND AS WE SET ASIDE OUR DIFFERENCES AND BECOME ONE-- one family unit with one heart, one mind, and one purpose. Readers and I know there aren't very many of you, remember this. If your family isn't perfect (and we all know it isn't) Stop what you are doing right now and kneel down. Pray to our Heavenly Father and ask him for forgiveness. Ask him to forgive you for your shortcomings and plead with him to show you how you can be a better sister to your siblings, a better partner to your spouse, a better child to your parents, a better parent to your children. If you desire to change and have an eternal family, ask him how and ACT. Let your guards down and mend fences. It is nearly impossible to not find good in someone. As a Christmas gift to our Savior,  find the good in each member of your family that you struggle with. These things are simple, but are so worth it. It is through simple fixes like these that we avoid the heartache that comes from divorce and the devastation that comes from familial quarrels. Commit to loving your family and not just putting up with them. Building eternal families isn't natural, it's divine. Find Joy in the unnatural and  divine and remember that old Mormon saying, "Family.....isn't it about time?"

So, in case you didn't get it from this long drawn out conclusion. Families do torment us, but the torment can be worked through and the joy that comes after is so much sweeter. Families bring torment and joy, but I choose to joy. Families bring JOY and that is what I am going to focus on.  To my family: I LOVE YOU AND THAT WILL NEVER CHANGE.

Become A Parent, Start a Trend

Just as with clothes and pop culture their are current parenting as well. Some couples choose not to become parents, some delay having children through different forms of birth control, many have fewer children,  some parents are less involved in their children's lives, parenting is often denigrated, and many modern parents disregard their children's needs.  While we know that the world's view of parenting is ever changing and in most countries has become an option rather than a priority, the prophets teach  us differently.  President Harold B. Lee said, "the most important of the Lord's work that you will ever do will be the work you do within the walls of your own home.....the MOST important work is within the walls of your home." Becoming parents is a commandment and like all of our Heavenly Father's will come with challenges as we live it, but the joy that we receive as a result will surpass any challenges. Reset the right trend. Have children. Don't delay having children and have as many as the Lord directs you to have. Be there for your children. As a wise father says in this video, "He has this wonderful plan and as we faithfully follow that plan, he will help us." We will receive great blessings as we raise children and we will begin to understand who our Heavenly Father is and how much he loves us.

What a Father Should Be

 (The above pic was taken right before I ascended the elevator at the airport heading for the MTC. He turned away because he was trying to hold back his tears. Man! I love my daddy!)

 

 

I don't know what it's like to be a father or love as a father would. I don't know what it's like to watch children grow, change, struggle, serve a mission, or go off to college. I don't know what's it's like to carry the great responsibility to provide, preside, and protect; but, I know someone who does.

 

Too often in today's world father's are seen as only sperm donors or the person that provides financial support, but fatherhood is so much more. Fatherhood (and motherhood as well) helps the natural man become more like our Heavenly Father. Our Heavenly Father is gentle and kind, is wise, is merciful, lifts us up when we are down, and puts His children above all His other creations. Fortunately I am lucky enough to have a father, who like our Heavenly Father has those qualities. I don't know what it's like to be a father, nor will I ever. But, I know that I want my children to have a father who loves them and shows his love for them by bringing home homerun pies, waking them up early on Saturday mornings for breakfast dates, teaching them charity by taking them to ward service projects and the Bishop's Storehouse, teaching them that you're always early for scheduled events and meetings, and crying with them through the happiest and saddest moments. I'm not a father, nor will I ever be; but I know what a father is and should be because Danny White taught me.

 

 

 

We're always communicating, so make it effective

In Saturday's Warrior Jimmy and Pam have their secret hand signal that they started in the preexistence. In  Gilmore Girls, Rory and Lorelei have Copper Boom! The Camden Family has milk and cookies. Each of these families has family a way of communicating that fits their family dynamic and suits the need of a given situation. And what can we learn from these forms of communication that show love and affection, tell another family member to hurry it up, or coerces family members to share secrets is that there are many different types of communication and some are more successful than others if our purpose is to unify and strengthen our families.

We communicate constantly. We communicate not only our words, but with our eyes, our facial expressions, our body language, and each of our actions. We cannot not communicate. It is through communication that we are able to teach and learn.  When we communicate with love and concern we are able to teach and strengthen our friends, family members, and acquaintances. Affective communication requires much listening and discerning the needs of those we love. As we do this and communicate with the spirit trusting relationships are established and fortified and people , especially children know where to turn for guidance and direction.

I love this video clip! It illustrates the importance of effective listening and teaching and speaking in a way that the person or child we are communicating  with can understand. You are always communicating with those around you, so make sure to communicate the good feelings and learn how to effectively communicate the negative ones.

Crises-- Events that push us to change and teach us what really matters

When we hear the word "Crisis" we automatically think of bad things. I think danger, imminent death, not getting a paper turned in by 11:59 pm, and slipping on ice on a Rexburg crosswalk and being flattened by a car driven by a teenager who has never driven in the snow before. But, crises can be good things as well. Crises are situations that force change upon the status quo and cause stress. Crisis situations could also be the birth of a baby, a wedding, or an AMAZING daughter going on or coming home from a mission (yes, I am an RM ;) ). These situations are joyous events but cause families to change their dynamic or living situation. So a crisis can be good or bad. It all depends on how you look at it.

I have been through what I would classify as a few crises in my short 23 and a half years of life, but nothing like what this family has been through can compare to my mini crises. If you want to learn how to deal with a crisis, I am not your best source. We should all look to the Lord for that help and that's what Stephanie Nielson and her family did. She is an inspiration; learn from her. Life is beautiful and crises help us to figure out who we are, where we are going, and what really matters.http://www.deseretnews.com/article/865552762/Stephanie-Nielsons-memor-Heaven-Is-Here-describes-faith-trials.html?pg=all

Mention of the Setimo

As much as I have tried to forget, I know my mom will be reading each and every one of these blog posts and that didn't pose a problem until chapter 7 of the text. I mean who really wants to talk about Sexual Intimacy on the internet, when they know their parents are reading. Okay maybe some 23 year-olds are okay with it, but I am definitely not one to volunteer to discuss sexual intimacy with my parents or anyone for that matter. I probably taught chastity at least 20 times on my mission and that was usually fairly simple, but as a missionary you never discuss in detail the necessity of intimacy within marriage. But since I still feel like I am not qualified to talk about this subject, let's talk about what shouldn't happen. No, I am not going to teach you about the commandment and there won't be mention of the setimo (Portuguese for the 7th). We need to discuss where our youth are getting their information because as we know if it doesn't come from you, they'll get it somewhere.

Let's let Preach My Gospel teach us a little," you are surrounded by people. You pass them on the street, visit them in their homes,

and travel among them. All of them are children of God, your brothers and sisters.

God loves them just as He loves you. Many of these people are searching for purpose in

life. They are concerned for their families. They need the sense of belonging that comes from

the knowledge that they are children of God, members of His eternal family. They want to

feel secure in a world of changing values. They want “peace in this world, and eternal life

in the world to come” (D&C 59:23), but they are “kept from the truth because they know

not where to find it” (D&C 123:12)." Just as missionaries pass hundreds of people daily on the streets, so do your children -- at school, at extra curricular activities, and even at church. Children are constantly hearing and searching out information and like gospel seekers they may not know where to find truth "in a world of changing values". Teach your children about proper and improper intimacy. Teach them to live pure lives, but not to be afraid to be  sexually intimate when the time is proper  after marriage. And most importantly, build a strong relationship with them so they, unlike many people, do know where to seek truth. Sex and intimacy are an important part of life and our purpose here on Earth. Don't mess up your kids view of intimacy by being awkward, avoiding the topic, waiting too long to talk, focusing on sex as a bad thing, or putting fear into their heads about intimacy. Physical, emotional, and spiritual intimacy is a necessary part of life that is unavoidable. I know at the beginning I joked about talking about this in front of my parents, but the fact is that even through the awkward moments that I would love to have skipped over, my parents did talk to me and they did show affection for one another and they did the best they could with such sensitive topic. Be there for your children. Emphasize love and the sacred nature of sex, the importance of preparing for marriage and teach them about the Atonement. Teach them that if they do make mistakes, that they can be overcome through proper repentance and the mercy of our Savior. Sex is important. Talk about it and do it right.