Torment AND Joy. I choose Joy.

I started the blog by saying, "we'll explore how families can be sources of both joy and torment and slowly but surely discover together if the joy they bring outweighs the torment and whether or not we want them by our sides in the 'rain and snow and ice....' because from what I hear it gets mighty cold here in the Burg". I quickly learned that it does get cold here in MIGHTY MIGHTY cold here Rexburg. I mean.....is -16 even a temperature??? But, luckily it is always 75 degrees in my apartment. Anyway.....As I have mentioned several times throughout this blog Family IS hard subject. Raising children is hard. Talking to children about sex is hard. Communicating effectively is hard. Dealing with crises within our families is hard. And dealing with and changing our role within our families is hard. So, what can we do about it? Do we just give up on our families? Do we just believe the statistic that is always thrown at us that 50% of all marriages end in divorce and think that it's okay? Do we look at first marriages as test runs rather than everlasting? And do we think that divorce, simply never getting married, or cutting ourselves off from our families will make things easier? Or do we commit to sticking it out, relying on the Lord, loving with all of our hearts, and working hard in order to have happy, well adjusted, strong, eternal families?

Sometimes as I attend and study for my major courses, like Family Relations, it is really hard. It is often therapy for me to study about relationships and families and family systems and figure out where each member of my family member is coming from and how we can learn from and understand one another. I often wonder.....Does my family understand this principal? Do they even care? Are we really working towards an eternal family? When we or when I hear people bicker, complain, and talk badly about one another it hurts. It hurts A LOT and I often wish that Tinkerbell could sprinkle a little pixie dust or Heavenly Father could snap his fingers and we could become an eternal family, but it doesn't work like that. I was tempted just now to write, "unfortunately, it doesn't work like that". But, I have come to learn that it really isn't unfortunate. It is HARD being part of a family, but being part of a family is part of our mission here on earth. Serving as a missionary was by far the best experience of my life, but there were several times that I thought "I am going to die" or "How am I going to make it through this", so if missionary service prepares us for marriage and parenthood, why would those missions be any easier? They won't be. Sometimes I feel like it would be so much easier to be here on my own doing my own thing and then I get a text from my dad that says "Love ya. Love Dad." or I find 50 bright green inspirational sticky notes in my suitcases from my mom or I come home from my mission to nieces who want to be missionaries or I walk 13 miles with my cousin (who is my best friend, confidant, and sister) or I build a fort or play Go Fish with my nieces and nephews. My family, like EVERY family is difficult to deal with and they don't all get along and I HATE it, but it doesn't decrease the love I have for them and it doesn't make me defend each and every one of them any less to each other. So my family has definitely gone through thick and thin, especially the last couple of years. But there is one fact that won't change -- we are a family. Someday when we reach those pearly gates we will be asked, "Where are the rest of them? Where is your family?" What are you going to say? Are you going to say that you got in too many arguments, so you just got a divorce? Are you going to say that you couldn't see eye to eye with your siblings, so you just stopped trying? Are you going to say that you got distracted by the world and forgot that family is CENTRAL to God's plan? And what response will you get in return.

I MAKE a lot of mistakes. I sin every day. I am still trying to get this "being an adult" thing figured out and I certainly know very little about most things. But, I know that Heavenly Father is our father and he loves us. I know that as difficult as families may be and as much as they may torment us, families are central to His plan of happiness and our eternal happiness. And I know that JOY IS FOUND AS WE SET ASIDE OUR DIFFERENCES AND BECOME ONE-- one family unit with one heart, one mind, and one purpose. Readers and I know there aren't very many of you, remember this. If your family isn't perfect (and we all know it isn't) Stop what you are doing right now and kneel down. Pray to our Heavenly Father and ask him for forgiveness. Ask him to forgive you for your shortcomings and plead with him to show you how you can be a better sister to your siblings, a better partner to your spouse, a better child to your parents, a better parent to your children. If you desire to change and have an eternal family, ask him how and ACT. Let your guards down and mend fences. It is nearly impossible to not find good in someone. As a Christmas gift to our Savior,  find the good in each member of your family that you struggle with. These things are simple, but are so worth it. It is through simple fixes like these that we avoid the heartache that comes from divorce and the devastation that comes from familial quarrels. Commit to loving your family and not just putting up with them. Building eternal families isn't natural, it's divine. Find Joy in the unnatural and  divine and remember that old Mormon saying, "Family.....isn't it about time?"

So, in case you didn't get it from this long drawn out conclusion. Families do torment us, but the torment can be worked through and the joy that comes after is so much sweeter. Families bring torment and joy, but I choose to joy. Families bring JOY and that is what I am going to focus on.  To my family: I LOVE YOU AND THAT WILL NEVER CHANGE.